Web diary

Today I bought some food for our lunch and back at his house, Michael fixed the camera shoe for the tripod. I was very grateful, and felt awkward then about broaching the subject of another interview. At first he said a flat “no” and wanted me to tell him exactly what it was about before switching the camera on. It took all my skill as a film maker and all my influence as a sister to get him to trust me and allow the interview. But he did. So I told him what the film is about and what I’m trying to do in getting justice for Laura. He seemed shocked and surprised and said it was great that I had the time and resources to devote to this.

Then I confronted him with the blame statement and the distress it had caused Laura. At first he was very angry and completely denied that he had blamed her and couldn’t see beyond his own intention to the hurt he had caused our mother. He began shouting at me, calling this process bullshit and walked out of the shot.

Then a two hour cathartic process began where he talked about the pain he had experienced as a child and how he always felt misunderstood. He told me about the shield he had put in front of his emotions so he couldn’t feel pain and how this prevented him from feeling and empathising with other people’s pain.

Then finally he sat down in front of the camera again and he spoke quietly and said that if he had caused Laura distress with his questions about "why did you let the guy into your house?", then he was sorry. It was a very powerful moment for me and I think it will be for Laura too as I don’t remember him ever saying sorry for anything. He also said sorry to me for not phoning me after dad died and that was very healing and moving for me. I felt that he and I were closer at that moment than we’ve ever been.

We both felt as if we’d been through a punching ring and were exhausted and drained. I made us some food and we tried to lighten the afternoon with small talk about cats and dogs.

Bit I think his inclusion in the film will now be a very positive thing for him, for Laura and for all the men like Michael who see this film.