characters > michael henkel

Michael Henkel’s story

"The lesson that I’ve learnt is about compassion and understanding and - it’s not the person’s fault."

• Before the film
• Michael's response to Laura's attack
• Michael in South Africa - 1994
• Cathy visits Michael - September 2002
• Michael reconciles with Laura - Christmas 2002
• 12 months after the film - November 2003

Before the film

Michael is the elder of two children. As a child, his mother Laura described him as "boisterous and headstrong". Michael and his sister, Cathy, took very different paths in life. While Cathy moved to Australia, Michael stayed in South Africa, took up motorcar racing, married and had two daughters.

Michael's response to Laura's attack

When his mother, Laura, was sexually assaulted in Johannesburg on 23 December, 1988, Michael was overseas. He returned several weeks later and didn’t know what to do to help his mother. He was living with his wife and two daughters on the outskirts of Johannesburg.

Upon learning of the attack, Michael said, "In Laura’s case, a certain amount of it was brought upon by herself. The fact that - to invite a person into your house, after midnight, to come in and have a cup of tea or something like that, in the current situation, is not done."

His mother left for Australia in September 1989 and he was to have very little contact with her after that. The issue of the assault was never spoken of and lay like a barrier between them. Laura felt Michael still blamed her.

Michael in South Africa - 1994

27 April, 1994, marked the dawn of a new South Africa. Apartheid had ended. The world around him had changed, but Michael was finding it difficult to adapt.

"I’ve always been the 'Engelsman', the alien, the person that - who are you? You don’t fit in with us - I didn’t fit in with them. I don’t fit in with this crowd. It means nothing to me. The new flag just looks like Winnie Mandela’s underpants, or something like that. I’ve got no idea how to relate to it, or anything like that."

He feared for his daughters' safety, so taught them how to use a pump-action shotgun.

"I have two daughters and the subject of rape is obviously one of those things that is on your mind the whole time. The guard here is me. I put up a very, very, big, mean demeanour and I carry a big shotgun.

"This is our family’s defence mechanism, because you’re not going to get the police or any fellow citizens or anyone else to watch out for you."

Cathy visits Michael - September 2002

When Cathy returned to South Africa and confronted her brother with the impact of his attitude on their mother, at first, he didn't understand. He argued that saying it was Laura's fault for letting the perpetrator into the house is not "blaming somebody".

"What do you say to the person? You say, 'There is a vicious lion. You go into the lion park and you say those lions are man-eaters. Do not get out of your car.'"

When Cathy told him that Laura has always maintained that the perpetrator didn't look like a "vicious lion" - instead he looked like a handsome, presentable young man - Michael got upset.

"If I’m going to speak to Laura, I will do it in front of her and not in front of this thing [the camera]. This is bullshit this. I don’t know what am I supposed to do? You keep on pointing your finger at me like I’m the big, bad ogre, and I’m just - Am I so mean to everybody because I don’t have this magical way of showing feelings and expressing myself and doing the big 'huggy-huggy’ thing with people? It doesn’t work. I know what I feel."

After a three hour argument, Michael started to understand what Cathy was trying to tell him.

"You know, I never realised that one little statement like that could cause Mom to have so much trauma. Now, how….do you think I could tie this together? Do you think I saw the connection there? I didn’t see it."

It was a pivotal moment when Michael realised how his words had hurt Laura, and he apologised.

"You’ve - actually got me into a place where I’m very, very - how does one put this? I’m sorry, and I really hope that this can make it better. That’s all I can say."

Michael reconciles with Laura - Christmas 2002

Michael finally told his daughters the truth about Laura. For years they had thought she had just abandoned them for the "better life" in Australia. At Christmas in 2002, Michael telephoned Laura in Australia. It's a short but sweet phone call - but a big step in the journey towards healing.

Laura said after the phone call, "Michael’s apology enabled me to forgive him, because, although I could understand where he was coming from, I still needed him to apologise for me to fully forgive him. And, I have found from experience that forgiveness is a double blessing - it helps the forgiven and the forgiving, and it sets you free."

12 months after the film - November 2003

Michael's attitude to what happened to his mother - and the way he now thinks about the subject of sexual assault - has completely changed.

He says, "I think life is full of lessons. And what one needs to do is to see where the things are that are going to give you something to build on. The lesson that I’ve learnt is about compassion. It’s about feeling, and understanding the situation and not making rash and wonderful statements that are just casual and off the cuff. There is a lot that I’ve learnt from the whole thing and now that’s its all out and it’s said and done, there is a sense of relief and - it’s like Laura was saying, the forgiving works both ways."

Find out more...

 Mini-doc transcript - Michael's story